Bilingual babble

Well, it's midnight... I just came back from getting a great haircut by my fabulous cousin.  We went to grab some cheesecake and cheesecake in a froufrou restaurant in Ottawa's ByWard market.  It's amazing what a good haircut, the right toe nail shade and some super good music will do to your spirits... I'm feeling free, and sexy!  It's a nice change from my overwhelmed, overextended routine lately. :)

I'm the first one to admit that I mentally multitask.  I can't be doing one thing and think just about that.  I have to have 5 thing running in my head at once.  Most people think I live quite the stress free life when it fact, I have my demons like everyone.  I have fears... my biggest obstacle.  Everything I'm reading at the moment (The Secret, A New Earth, to name a few) is pointing me in one single direction... living in the moment.  Now that's a challenge for me.  It's coming along with a whole array of changes needed to live life at it's best.  Since there's no time like now, I'm starting...

Tonight, as I lay in bed with my daughter, I can say that I fully appreciated the moment.  Nothing felt sweeter than feeling her breathe, my hand on her chest, our fingers tangled, all soft, her hair smelling like fresh shampoo, with a purring cat comfortably resting on my hip.  I resisted the urge to get up and "get things done" and just laid there, appreciating every breath, every bit of almost silence wondering why I haven't been wise enough to discover this before.  I'm hoping there's no going back and this will help me rid myself of those aforementioned demons.  Now I'll go fully appreciate my husband's presence while we watch a well deserved movie.

Show us something pink.

The cutest pink cheeks ever!

That has been the burning question in my head lately...  That combined with me reading "The Secret" has me in all sorts of agonising reflections.  The fact is, I don't know what I want to do...

More than a decade ago, I aquired a Bachelor's degree in Elementary Education... knowing that I loved kids, had worked and had serious fun with them through every single job I'd ever had.  Without any other choice, I took a 8 year break staying home.  Now, I'm faced with the obligation to return to work and my memories as a teacher are good but I remember being bored, I remember counting down the day left until the next holiday, or when the clock would hit 3... I know I'm a good teacher, I know my kids enjoy me doing all my flafla to make things interesting, fun and educative... I just don't know if that's me in a classroom setting.  Yet, there are days when I think if I could get a kindergarten class, I'd have a complete blast...

Yes, that was 10 years ago and it was most certainly not in the frame of anything close to the ideal class room setting...  I didnt' really feel like I had a sense of purpose, teaching to 250 kids per day a language that they were mostly never going to use.  Yet, I remember them fondly.  More surprisingly, they remember me, what we did, the fun things we discussed and worked on.  Often, I think that yes, this is what I'm good at, this is where I excell.  Seeing how I interact and play around with my daughter's fellow 5 year old kindergarten peers in the morning when I drop her off or when I volunteer at her school confirms that I can do this, that I can love this, that I want to do this. Still, there's always a little voice in the back of my head that says "it's not what you wanna do, no matter how hard you try to convince yourself!"  What am I supposed to do with that?  So now I'm debating if that's the field I wanna return to.  Will I still love being around children 24/7?  Will I this teaching profession that I still have yet to fully testrun?  I feel often like I need to be creating.  I'm at my best when I paint castles on the walls, or flowers, cartoonish birds on a toybox or just design a room to be decorated for a child.  THAT is what I love... Yet, I have no training in this, no degree to hide behind instead of taking an insecurising plunge.  I'm quite the chicken shit even if no one suspects it. 

There is always the question of $$.  Teaching will bring me twice what anything else probably would and having the same vacations as my kids, including summers would be awesome.. and that counts right?

Me thinking about all this gives me nausea and is a definite downer.  It's hard to discuss with my husband who's the everlasting optimist, ready for the "give it a shot and know that you don't HAVE to do this" cheerleading chant.  He's a "go with the flow and give it a try" kind of guy.. which is nice to have around but not necessarily when he's coaching you while you really just need to lay down between a good supsized McDonald's fries and a pint of ice cream...

There are days when I wish I didn't have other options.. I didn't have other talents... There would be no questions.. but then life would be all drawn out and what's the fun in that right?

Ok, no further along than I was 15 minutes ago but at least it's out and you won't try to make me feel better right?  Going for that pint now...  I'll be trying attract answers... or maybe just a positive attitude towards that kindergarten class I will have previously attracted.. Whew!

Who or what do you really love?

That is the easiest question ever... my family, always, no conditions, no circumstances, no buts... I love them in a way that no words will ever describe... 

I don't know quite why but Heath Ledger's passing leaves a knot in my throat.  As I was watching the news this morning through the quiet of a "still sleeping" house, I caught tears rolling down my cheeks as I listened to the details of yesterday's event.  He just seemed like such a down to earth guy, so modest, wanting to do better, always better, to challenge himself.  He seemed like the father every little girls wants, one who so obviously makes her the center of his universe, who will protect her, no matter what and no matter how.  Yet, this same little girl will know her father through pictures, animated or not.  Such talent, such loss.  I've always loved his movies, loved his interviews, loved his modesty in a world where celebrities often get carried away with the wave of materials and presumption.  I just didn't see this one coming.  Tell me that Britney Spears or Amy Winehouse was found dead of an overdose, accidental or not and I'm not going to be surprised but Heath Ledger?  Heath Ledger?  I hope he rests in peace.

Well, my beloved 5 year old and I have the best pillow talk, the best conversations usually errupt right before it's time to close her eyes, right after I turn off the lights.  Even at 5, she knows the ways of "delaying" the final, and usually the 5th "ok, it's the last time I tell you, shhhh, let's sleep now, sweet dreams".  Even now, I lay with her until her eyes are shut and she's happily resting in Morphée's arms.  Oh the sweet times. 

To the point, this was the essence of what came out of our conversation last night! 

"Maman, when I grow up, I decided that I think I'll have kids but I don't want a husband.  I'm going to have 2 girls like you and we're going to live right here with you and daddy." 

Yep, just like I've always dreamed of... my girl having babies on her own and living with us.  I think I'm going to choose to see all the cuteness here in the love a 5 year old girl has for her parents.   How can you not love her back?

.

I actually found, after looking and looking.. a picture of a smiling Victoria Beckham.  I'm still not 100% sure that she hasn't gotten botox injections in her cheeks preventing her from having any other expression but her mastered "blah, I'm so fab" look.  I swear the chick never smiles, ever.  Try to notice, in pics, on tv, whenever.  When all her whole spicerack bunch smiles, or even laughs, she "queenly" waves at the adoring crowd.  I can finally rest in peace knowing that the girl could actually crack a smile if the reason was great enough... proven here!

A smiling Vic

What won't you miss about 2007? 
Submitted by uncagedbird.

Moving... or anything related to moving!  I started 2007 with a few boxes from our last move and managed to pack up my life again to move once more...  and I'm done with the boxes... I'm staying here.  To think I stayed away for so long because I feared snow and cold... Ha!

Were your holiday cards store bought, handmade, online, TBD or MIA?

Sadly, I always feel the pressure to make them.  I've gotten creative in the past and now, I kinda feel it's expected.  So every year, I sit in front of my photoshop garnished pc and spend a good 8h working on those... and every year, I like what I send... to about 150 people.. but maybe not this year, it's a little late in the game and I am tired, maybe too tired to address 150 enveloppes.  Here's this year's!

Carte noel 07